心放空了.. 寂寞, 好了~

Lately, nothing good happened. Just feels like I'm all alone up the hill and by the time comes, I'll be given a chance to come out from the cage and set for free for only 4days. Damn stingy. Well, fine. Its alright. I did realised I already get used to this kind of life. Why? Its because I started to pick up my phone automatically and call someone to send me back to my cage on a particular date. I am not crying anymore on the day before I leave. I am reminding myself everyday and night whether what should I bring back to my cage. I'm no longer counting how many days have I been set for free..

My feeling did mix up all the time. I do admit, I'm self-pressured. Little bit of mentally insane. My reason is because I'm all alone. I felt so lonely for times. Trying to tell someone but its unable to explain, even to the closest one. But when the time is right to tell, nobody is available. Therefore, slowly.. I've learned to accept that I'm far from my circle. Am no longer as the most active one in the circle. Yet never will be the most recent updated one. So this is the time I should be tough. I'm trying hard to get back to what I am last time. But the fact is, time is mean. Nothing can be remained as the same as before. There's no changes on you but that doesn't mean I'm not as well.

Just hope time could leads everyone understand...
Well, I'll wait... Hmmm~

Why am I always the chosen one...

Ohh little crystal ball~
You did really fall and hurt my heart deeply inside.

Just one simple little incident.. It drops and hits right on my phone screen yesterday. And it happened just right NEXT to my thumb. It never hits my thumb at all, but it hits my screen. If it hits my thumb, I'm sure my thumb will be bleeding. This is because it is a ball that made of glasses.

I don't even feel blessed because it never hurts my thumb at all. Instead, how much I hope that it will dropped right on my thumb and just let it bleed non stop. This is because, the scar on my thumb will gone at least. Rather than it breaks my screen, the scars that left will never fade. In another way, my heart bleeds..

I just don't understand why am I always the chosen one. This isn't the main thing that I gone so emo for sure. There's alot more other particular things that really brought me down. And the fact is, nothing good ever happen to me before since this Lunar Year started.

I'm sad, seriously depressed. My grayish-life has back again. I started to hate again when I heard of the sound of laughter. Its been so long I never into this kind of feeling already. And now you are back into my life again. Somebody told me, "Memories are just a part of my life. It lost and gone is because HE don't want me to bear them in mind and we have to forsee the-future." But the fact is, you don't even know how much I treasured the past rather than the present.

I'm just trying to look for a person who could really understand the way I feel.
But where should I find this person?

...I just feel like dying once again.
I really need a hand.

I am veryyyyyy awesome tired.