心放空了.. 寂寞, 好了~

Lately, nothing good happened. Just feels like I'm all alone up the hill and by the time comes, I'll be given a chance to come out from the cage and set for free for only 4days. Damn stingy. Well, fine. Its alright. I did realised I already get used to this kind of life. Why? Its because I started to pick up my phone automatically and call someone to send me back to my cage on a particular date. I am not crying anymore on the day before I leave. I am reminding myself everyday and night whether what should I bring back to my cage. I'm no longer counting how many days have I been set for free..

My feeling did mix up all the time. I do admit, I'm self-pressured. Little bit of mentally insane. My reason is because I'm all alone. I felt so lonely for times. Trying to tell someone but its unable to explain, even to the closest one. But when the time is right to tell, nobody is available. Therefore, slowly.. I've learned to accept that I'm far from my circle. Am no longer as the most active one in the circle. Yet never will be the most recent updated one. So this is the time I should be tough. I'm trying hard to get back to what I am last time. But the fact is, time is mean. Nothing can be remained as the same as before. There's no changes on you but that doesn't mean I'm not as well.

Just hope time could leads everyone understand...
Well, I'll wait... Hmmm~

Why am I always the chosen one...

Ohh little crystal ball~
You did really fall and hurt my heart deeply inside.

Just one simple little incident.. It drops and hits right on my phone screen yesterday. And it happened just right NEXT to my thumb. It never hits my thumb at all, but it hits my screen. If it hits my thumb, I'm sure my thumb will be bleeding. This is because it is a ball that made of glasses.

I don't even feel blessed because it never hurts my thumb at all. Instead, how much I hope that it will dropped right on my thumb and just let it bleed non stop. This is because, the scar on my thumb will gone at least. Rather than it breaks my screen, the scars that left will never fade. In another way, my heart bleeds..

I just don't understand why am I always the chosen one. This isn't the main thing that I gone so emo for sure. There's alot more other particular things that really brought me down. And the fact is, nothing good ever happen to me before since this Lunar Year started.

I'm sad, seriously depressed. My grayish-life has back again. I started to hate again when I heard of the sound of laughter. Its been so long I never into this kind of feeling already. And now you are back into my life again. Somebody told me, "Memories are just a part of my life. It lost and gone is because HE don't want me to bear them in mind and we have to forsee the-future." But the fact is, you don't even know how much I treasured the past rather than the present.

I'm just trying to look for a person who could really understand the way I feel.
But where should I find this person?

...I just feel like dying once again.
I really need a hand.

I am veryyyyyy awesome tired.

Random December, 2009.

Its been awhile since my last post. Procrastination kills.. Owww~ I've been so lazy since I started my job on top of that hill~ And therefore I started this post with a random one.

I'm passing my birthday in Genting, working in the middle of the night. Just right on time when the clock turns to 12am, I had my break time. Phone started to beeps, messages non stop coming in. Thank you so much my dear friends. I do really have a great time receiving all the wishes and blesses. In one word, I'm happy. :D

Since I've been to Genting, I stop wishing some friends on their birthday. I already no longer sending birthday greetings with my heart by typing a long wishes and send it on time. I admit I've neglected some of you. No reason will be given. But just one word that I wish to say, I'm sorry for my carelessness, my friends. But you guys are always right in my heart. =]

Well well, back to the point. On the 6th of Dec, my big day. Silver and WengYu gonna break with me at 12am. At first never really thought anything will happen but until WengYu brought me a plate of ICE CREAM and said "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" together with Silver, wow~ I was.. touched. =]



And then I asked, Birthday plate should have a candle.. WHERE?!
And then WengYu put a straw on it. -___-

I'm speechless..
and obviously, its more like praying. HAHAHA~
Anyway, I'm Happy~~
Thank you, Love.^^

NEXT!
Lookkk at thisss!

The New Member in our room.. GUESS WHAT!

Jyeshui's New LAPPIEEEE~~~~
Something that could KILLS our BOREDOM!
Its like, OMG! Heaven! :D

Follow on.. see this!

22nd of December, Solstice day~

Every year, my siblings and I will help my mum to prepare for this particular day because its our FAVOURITEEEE! But this year, sigh, not having the chance to celebrate together with my family cause I have to work. Hmmm~ But thank god, we have Beckham (Silver's husband). Its so surprise that I could eat some on that day while I'm working! woohoo^^

Its Christmas then~!
For the first time ever I never countdown for Christmas. I still remember on the 24th, I went back to my room and sleep at around 10pm. Neither any of my friends do believe that I really do this. LOL! Well, reason? Its because I'm not in the mood at all. Nobody with me, I'm not with my friends. I'm alone here.. Sounds sad? LOL! NAHH~ Its actually I'm tired okayy. Hee~ :]

But not to the worst, our Casino Marketing stilled will compliment us with some gifts. Early in the morning when I check in, our AM asked us to pick a number and get our gift. LOL~ not too bad. I get a Christmas cup. Ha!

*Here are the gifts*

And Hsiyu with her Darling Yida came for a visit. Well, they brought me my birthday gifts. Its from her, Ying, Leen, CheeBet Siang & SeaLee. THANK YOU BABES! :D

Inilah dia!

Thank you so much^^
I love you guys!

And this is it, the random month of Dec. =]

Good Bye 2009, will miss you.

Last party of the year

-My New Year Eve Eve Celebration-

30th November 2009

This year..

I had my good time, yet my worst time.
I gained through alot.
I had my first experience.
I did learned alot as well.

Circle of friends is getting bigger and bigger, no doubt.
In and out, here they come and go.
I did in love, and did forgone the best one.
No regret, I really do.

Not forgotten the both sweet one.
Because of you, I knew there's certain situation I must accept.
and yet, forced to let go.
The tears that I'd dropped before, will never I forget.

New year is coming soon, not able to stay in my downtown to pass the moment. I have to back to the top of the hill to celebrate my new year with the irreSTOPable queue and the crowd. Too many things that I've left out since I went there to start my new journey, so called working life. Within friends, within some occasion, within some sort of relationship. I really did realised that I'd missed out alot and yet I really do have an overall changes in myself. Wouldn't miss out, the loves one, I'm far away. Totally far from them. There's good, yet bad. Just depends how the situation goes.

Year end is now right ahead, very very near. People is leaving, soon~ very very soon. That's the moment that I hate the most forever and always. I already have the most worthwhile reason for me to cry for. Nevertheless, the most happening laughter ever that I had. Already know which to put at the first and the last. Which to care, which to ignore. I can truly define them clearly, no? Not so sure, but still I'm glad that I'm always learning. I will consider myself as a f**king weak lady, but I'm trying to be strong always.

Well, its 30th today. I had my New Year Eve Eve celebration with my loves. Its so called, sorta depressing for me because I'm not able to be with them on the real Eve Celebration. Its not that I love party time. But just to maintain the love...... you know? Its hard to explain the feeling. Somehow whenever I'm back to my downtown, no matter how there's still a big gap, a big contradiction in between the relation. Friends.. family.. Arh~ its tiring anyway. And this last holiday of the year is the most upset ever because I have the forever-insolvable-conflict with my mum, again. How I wished I could back to the past. Lalala~ this is totally A-BIG-NONSENSE!

Anyway, I had my last party of the year now. Thanks for the all-the-while Loves. Thanks for the sincere regards. Thanks for the precious time. Thanks for the bitter. Thanks for the so-near-yet-so-far feeling. Thanks for the being-blamed moment. Thanks Thanks and Thanks! Just for anything and to anyone!

Year end last hope for the new year, just hope to be stronger from day to day. Let me live, and don't let me feel apart. I'll love whoever that keep me stay alive. Thanks world, see you guys next year. *muax*

*HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010, LOVE*
Best regards, from Ah Chee

我好兰闷~

最近的日子不是过的很好..
他们有的, 我没有~
我想要的, 我却得不到~

不开心了~ 又怎样呢?

我也没办法去改变事实~
讲出来也没有用..
有谁会明白啦~~~~~~

一天比一天觉得自己活的真没意义..
寂寞到~~~ 唉!

哇~! 很久没写些甘的兰话了! 哈哈!! XD

The August.

Leaving back to Genting after on leave for 4days.
Hopefully everything will be going fine soon after I back.
I wanna work as much OT as I could.
Wish me luck, see you guys next month.


Bye. : )

*MUAH*

How to spell E-M-O.

On leave, back to my home sweet home.

OMFG. Homesick gila.
The quiet and peaceful home, I'm back ler~
The room is fill with dust..
This proves how long things never been moved and used.
One month and one month~
I have to endure this feeling in every single month.
Hmmm~ okay. For a reason, I will. I really will. *sigh*


.....I really need more time.

***************************************************************************************

I'm so happy that I met you in my dream that night.
Its been awhile I've never see you guys since the day you left everyone. : )
I'm happy, seriously happy.
Happy that you telling me its just a lie that you pass away without anyone's acknowledge.
Though its just a dream..
but as long as I can see that you doing very well..
Together with your Sweetpie..
Smiling to me~
Its so nice to dream of You & Janice.
Hope to see you guys again~
Take care babes. : )