Happy, no?

People loves my smile.
They love my smiling-eyes.
She said that I'm so optimistic.
He said I'm such a cheerful girl.
Everyone said that I'm free from problems.
The world said I'm a fcuking happy lady.

ButwhoknowsthatactuallyIfeellikecryingeverydayandnight
andcouldgonesoemowhenI'mallalone
andIhateitsomuchwhenIlaughedlikeamadladyonthestreet
withoutcaringpeopleperceptiontowardsme
andburstingthosetearsofjoylikethere'snotomorrow
yetembarrassedmyselfjusttomakeeveryonehappy
becauseIdunlikeanyonewithsadfaces?

....IfeellikecryingwheneverytimeyousaythatI'msostrong.

This is not what I want.
Please tell me the meaning of Happiness.
Wannabe truly-happy desperately.










I seriously hate depression... *sigh*